Monday, June 30, 2008

America Has Spoken

I posted this earlier but had to bring it back out. Check out the news story below that goes with...
NSFW (Language)




New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

Friday, June 27, 2008

Faith The Bipedal Dog

Check this one out. Born with leg deformities, Faith had to have both of her front legs removed when she was only seven months old. For most dogs, this would lead to a life that really wouldn't be worth living, but her owners kept the Faith - literally - and most astonishingly, this perky little pooch discovered how to walk on her hind legs alone, walking upright like a person.


Visit Faith's Official Website for more information about this amazing canine.

From The "Am I Really That Lazy?" Files...

I came across this service and actually started to think about giving them a call. Really? Too busy or lazy to pick up Sid's poop? Then I thought since they do not charge by the pound this might actually be something to check out!

Clean Paw Pet Waste Removal
After one visit your pet’s yard will smell inviting and look fantastic! I personally guarantee your satisfaction with every cleaning. Call 623-385-9095 or click to schedule an appointment. Your pet's environment can be clean and healthy as soon as tomorrow!

Click here for his website.

Friday Fail

Really no comments needed...






Public Service Announcement


Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below:

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."








We hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.
Thanks Karla!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Vegas Baby!

When an officer asks you to take your hands out of your pockets, we here at B.S.H.Q. suggest you do it.

SFW

You Know How I Know?

Maybe it's about time you found out with this self examination for men then ask yourself..."Am I Gay?"

1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard stomach you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay--it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog: "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat: "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pig's feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

Time Waster Of The Day

Click on the image for link...

Time is money people, now get back to work!

Interesting Perspective


Our goals here at B.S.H.Q. are pretty simple, inform and entertain, but from time to time you will find some political stuff mixed in. With everything going on these days it's almost impossible to avoid. I will promise you that we will never get to heavy! This has been floating out there for a while but I thought it was pretty interesting without being to brutal.

A lady wrote a letter in the editorials that explains things better than all the crap you hear on TV or the radio. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders and make it harder to sneak into this country:

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests. Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hardworking and honest (except for when I broke into your house)."

According to some, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hardworking and honest, except for that breaking in part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hardworking and honest, um, except for well, you know. And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker.

Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.

Our Girl Makes The Big Time...!

Welcome to The Weekenders Golf Tour! A few weeks back Jaimee participated in a taping of a new golf reality show here in the valley. The AZ Republic did an interview earlier this week and the article came out today. They also have a website here.

"We were looking for characters," Abrams said. Jaimee Soran has been a golfer all her life but plays only about two rounds a year, which made her an ideal contestant for the show. It also didn't hurt that one of her real-estate clients was a part of the show's production. Still, she felt uneasy about being filmed while teeing it up. "I was mostly frightened to play the game of golf the way I play it in front of an audience," said Soran, who lives in Fountain Hills.

Who's In?

OK...call me nostalgic or just old but we are going to the Boston and Styx concert tomorrow night (Friday). Turns out the people who confirmed they would go with us backed out at the last minute (flake if you will). We now find ourselves with two (2) extra tickets that I would hate to see go to waist. Interested?

Let me know. The show starts at 8:00pm at the Dodge Theater downtown Phoenix.



Friday, June 20, 2008

Friday Fail





Why Do These Make Me Laugh?

You've seen them before but I had to re-visit.

It's A Town Of 34,000 People

How many 71 year old Martha Williamsons can there be?
"COEUR D'ALENE, Idaho - Even though three different witnesses identified Martha R. Williamson in a line-up as the person responsible for recent thefts at Wiggetts and Antique Corner in Coeur d'Alene, police who arrested her said Thursday they'd got the wrong person."

I walked the mean streets of Coeur d'Alene for two years and I can tell you, the underground black market antique cartel is not to be crossed. Is that a widget in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Article

(Picture not to scale)


Watch Your Back People

From time to time we here at B.S.H.Q. (Buffalo Slayers Headquarters) try not to only educate and entertain but like to do our part for public service. If you are reading this post from your screen at work, be sure to read this article.

"One in three information technology professionals abuses administrative passwords to access confidential data such as colleagues' salary details, personal e-mails or board-meeting minutes, according to a survey."

That is all...

From The “Every Huge, Gigantic, Scary Funnel Could Has a Silver Lining” Files

High water a boon for catfish:
Bad for people, the flooding is excellent for the omnivorous catfish, giving them newly inundated areas in the willows and cottonwoods to prowl for minnows, crawdads, crickets and even — for the bigger ones — snakes, turtles and muskrats. Jim Dockery, a retired math teacher, is a commercial fisherman six months out of the year in Clarksville, Mo. "Not very many people are happy to see a flood, and I'm certainly not going to say I'm happy to see one, but it makes great fishing," Dockery said. ~ Whole Article


Good for Jim! Are you kidding? Crawdads, crickets, snakes and turtles? I'm moving! (Better bring my boat.)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

This Whole Election Thing is Getting a Little Crazy

Proof That Folks In Idaho Have Spare Time

This isn't too far from where I used to live in Idaho. I Love that state!

"ST. MARIES, Idaho - More than three years after a poacher shot off her upper beak, a bald eagle named Beauty can finally live up to her name — with the help of volunteers. A team attached an artificial beak to the 15-pound eagle in mid-May, improving her appearance and, more importantly, helping her grasp food."

You can read the whole article here.

What Is It That We Say Around Here?

Safety is no accident...Let's be careful out there people:

What Did She Do With The Body?

We Should All Do Our Part

I know we joke around a lot and have our own opinions about the homeless in America. Regardless of your political affiliation, personal opinion or financial situation, let's not forget that these people are human first and maybe just need that one little boost to get them back on their feet:

SFW

Watch Out Ladies

"TOKYO - She is big-busted, petite, very friendly, and she runs on batteries. A Japanese firm has produced a 38 cm (15 inch) tall robotic girlfriend that kisses on command, to go on sale in September for around US$175, with a target market of lonely adult men...She's very lovable and though she's not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend."


Not to be used while bathing, click here for more>>>

Maybe One Less Shrimp on the Bar-B!

Chalk one up for the good guys:

"Australia has a higher proportion of obese people than the United States, with the health system facing a "fat bomb" unless action is taken, a study warned Thursday."

You talk funny...fatty! More here

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Welcome to the new Buffalo Slayers Website!!!

After much evaluation and research the Management and Staff here at Buffalo Headquarters is pleased to unveil your new website and look. We’ve fired our old IT department and have a whole new team focused on keeping your site current, updated and fresh.

With this new direction you now have an opportunity to be part of our on-line Buffalo Community by adding comments and feedback to each posting. Along with updates, events and slayer news, you will be able to stop by for a quick laugh or some random information HQ may have found interesting (along with the predictable flatulence and poop humor). Additionally, if you have something you want to say, communicate or just get out there, go ahead and e-mail it to me and you may just show up here too.

For those of you who have so eloquently expressed your feedback regarding the lack of updates occurring within our old platform (and you know who you are), we hope you are pleasantly surprised with the current and fresh content within this new format.

So spend a little time, take a look around and let me know what you think...


That is all ~ Bojo

June's Buffalo Event

Don't forget the June Buffalo event is taking place this Saturday the 21st at our Keith and Michelle's casa.

To view the e-vite click the photo below. See you there...

The "Solstice Moon" Happens Tonight

The official start of Summer is this Friday. With the full moon tonight and the Summer Solstice so close, the moon will look like it's hoped up on some type of 'performance enhancement' drugs! Don't worry, it didn't get a hold of any little blue pills, it's called a Solstice Moon:

"On Wednesday night, June 18th, step outside at sunset and look around. You'll see a giant form rising in the east. At first glance it looks like the full Moon. It has craters and seas and the face of a man, but this "moon" is strangely inflated. It's huge!

There's no better time to see it. The full Moon of June 18th is a "solstice moon", coming only two days before the beginning of northern summer. This is significant because the sun and full Moon are like kids on a see-saw; when one is high, the other is low. This week's high solstice sun gives us a low, horizon-hugging Moon and a strong Moon Illusion."

More here

Don't mess with the Gorilla in the monkey cage!

These things are made with sound boards and I could listen all day!

SFW

I See Stoopid Peepoul...

Guest post from our fellow Slayer Karla:

"You want fries with that?"
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets:
Cashier: "We don't have half dozen nuggets"
Me: "You don't?"
Cashier: "We only have six, nine, or twelve"
Me: "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
Cashier: "That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

"Those things ain't cheap"
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

"Cash or credit"
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

"Should have used the club"
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlock. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk'.

"Resourceful at least"
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do? Just use copier machine paper, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Remeber this movie?

The Outlaw Josey Wales was a bad ass...let's bring back movies like this!

NSFW / Language

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Summer warning - Beware of the Camel Toads!

They're everwhere...

"He's a good boy in middle school whose parents do not even drink...please let me know what Camel Toads are and how I might be able to tell if he is smoking, taking or licking them."

Click to enlarge

A failure pile in a sadness bowl, yummy!

America has spoken...where's my lunch gun?
One of my favorites! This guy kills me.

Warning, NSFW = Not safe for work, language:

In case you were wondering

Now we have the official, approved and tested method and technique...please feel free to take notes if necessary:



What happens if you do it wrong you ask?




Let's remember...safety starts with attitued.

Fail of the week...

He almost lost my vote...

Veto Beer...? Good catch Senator:

Monday, June 16, 2008

Summer's here guys...

So let's be careful out there and please remember that safety is no accident!

Happy Belated Father's Day...

Just in case you forgot to send the old man a note, here are a few cards that just might get you back into the good graces:







Welcome back Triumph…

He got kicked out of the show last year and finally convinced the show directors to let him back in.

Gold baby, gold!


How much?


Friday, June 13, 2008

Test Post

Greetings Slayers...
This is a test post to see how everything looks on this new blog. Go Daddy is freaking killin me so I am thinking of making a change.